The New Police Vow

This Sacred Vow is to be repeated in unison by each and every police officer of every single police department in the United States of America and to be repeated 3 times in succession before every session of muster, and before every single training session, at each and every Police Academy every single day, or night, as the first order of business at muster, to be spoken aloud with hands over hearts the following vow:

I, _______(name) do solemnly vow to protect all the citizens of the world, but in particular, those who dwell in America.  I fully recognize to the depth of my immortal soul, the source of all light in the world, and before the One God, whom I adore, that each and every life, whether rich or poor, and of whatever color, gender, or age, is more precious to me than my own life.  (Speak the following with right hand folded in a fist to quietly, but firmly, beat the heart with the fist 3 times).  I will kill myself before I allow the least harm to come to any being within my ken and/or within my power to so protect.  Whatever pain I see before me I will take upon myself that the other may be healed -- whether the pain is of the body or the spirit, or the heart, of any being here and now, I vow to heal it. 

If I should fail through importunate circumstance, I will immediately submit to a Citizen Review (to be completed within the 24 hour span.)  If my offense is deemed a willful dereliction of the least part of this sworn duty, I solemnly vow here and now, by the light of the God whom I love and who is all goodness and loving -- to punish myself under the watchful public eye of a News Camera to be broadcast on the local Nightly News show.

The process of this punishment to be as follows:  One bullet placed in an empty chamber of an official firing weapon; all other chambers being empty; then to spin the barrel vigorously, with full strength of the hand, for the the first offence --then to pull the trigger while aiming the weapon at my own foot.  Whichever foot is healthiest.  Should there be a second offense -- I will aim at my own kneecap.  And after a third, if there can be such a thing, at the temple of my head.